Party Time

So, I’ve expressed the cleanliness, or lack there of, of the bathrooms and doorknobs around NMAA and how we use hand sanitizer in great abundance. Well, I mentioned before (and included pictures) of the new cadet shower house. Well, one of the Army guys, Rich1, that is the construction foreman for NMAA was complaining that when they built the shower house, they (the architects and builders) only put in some 30 shower stalls and like 75 absolution stations (to clean themselves before praying). The absolution stations have a tiled bench with a drain trough and faucets. Rich1 was complaining that the Afghans needed more shower stalls because only 30 for nearly 1000 cadets wasn’t going to cut and why in the world would they put so many absolution stations? Comments flew around the room a bit and I didn’t think of this at the time, but when it’s all said and done, doesn’t it make sense that the Afghans would want more absolution stations rather than showers. This is a culture that doesn’t consider full-body cleanliness as important as we do, but they do put the importance of cleanliness for worship as a priority – five times a day! This is just another example of we Americans expecting the rest of the world to think and do like us and then we think the rest of the world is stupid because they don’t or won’t. It is refreshing to be able to be in this environment to experience this sort of bias we carry first hand and to be able to reconsider it in real time. However, another reason we use a lot of hand sanitizer around NMAA is that the Afghans use the sinks in our bathroom (the only bathroom on our floor) as absolution stations – did I mention, five times a day? If you’re not careful, you can walk into our bathroom and there will be an Afghan or two (or seven) washing their hands and feet and blowing their noses into the sink. Rule #72 – Don’t touch anything in the bathrooms unless you absolutely have to …

Chuck (between Lem and I at the Turk party - see details below) had to make an annual flight physical appointment the other day and he made the mistake of doing it in front of the other six guys that share our office. Chuck is the “ladies man” of NMAA and he is forever be harassed by the others about all the girls he dates and all the diseases he is carrying. So, we began to say things like, “Chuck, you have to get another ‘flight physical’ this week?” We’ve only been here a few weeks and it seems you’re heading to the clinic every few days for a ‘flight physical’ or some sort of ointment or something.” Then Hugh pipes in, “Yeah, Chuck’s got quite the reputation with the Afghans. We wash our hands with sanitizer after going into the Afghan toilets. The only time the Afghans wash their hands is after shaking hands with Chuck!” The Lem, pipes in, “Yeah, instead of ‘Hoo-ah!’, the Afghans’ army cry is “Ooo-yuck!’ after touching Chuck.” Good thing Chuck has a good sense of humor – he laughed real hard along with the rest of us. Another funny thing at NMAA I discovered just recently – another example of a not so-developed country having technology sometimes out of their means – is that some of the electronics have western-style (like in the U.S.) plugs. Well, the outlets around here are European. So, you either have to have plug adaptors to use the outlets, or you can do it the Afghan way. The Afghan way is to cut the plug off the western style cords, strip the wires and stick the bare wires directly into the wall sockets. There are lots of bare wires around here, just waiting to zap you or start a fire. I guess though, the Afghans do what they need to do … just like they’ve always done.

Today, I met with my physics faculty for a bit to go over the homework I had given them. They were supposed to work on one of those little projects I had come up with as an example that they could use when they teach next semester. In the back of my mind, even though they seemed to be enthusiastic about trying new things, I thought that they would blow off the homework. Well, they showed up with one solution that they all worked on together. It was great – they had spent time working on the problem and writing up a solution. They were a bit embarrassed because they did the write-up by hand and didn’t use the computer (like I did) to make it all fancified. And, they were so proud and excited to explain their thinking processes and approach to me on the board. They did a great job and made good assumptions to solve the problem – very methodical. I asked them a few questions to guide them to realizing that their students may not be able to make such good assumptions and it was up to them to help their students LEARN to do that and not just tell them how to do it. I think they’re getting it – that it’s not just pouring the information in, but letting the students do a lot of self-discovery. We were supposed to meet at 9:30 am in the physics lab room across campus, but that’s on Afghan time which means it could be anytime on today. Time really has no meaning – none of them wear watches. So, around 9:35 am, I met up with Dr. Wali and we headed upstairs to the science faculty offices to get the gang to walk over together. The doors were locked – did they forget? Dr. Wali, said, “I’m sure they’re over in the classroom.” I looked at him skeptically. We hiked over there and they were all sitting down waiting for us. I was late – the dumb American was late! They said that they wanted to come over a little early to practice their solution and to warm the classroom up for me by turning on the heater. These guys are great.

I then brought up the subject of each one of them coming up with a project of their own and solving it and presenting it to the rest of us the following Shanbay (Saturday). After Dr. Wali translated, they all sorta of sat there and didn’t give the customary head nod “yes” that I was accustomed to. Did we lose something in the translation? So, I leaned over to Dr. Wali and said, “Well, that went over well.” I then stood there and paused then smiled at all them and rolled my eyes as if they were saying, “Yeah, stupid American, we’ll do your dumb little projects.” They laughed and knew exactly what I was trying to convey and said something to Dr. Wali. Dr. Wali, said, “no, no, they really do want to do the projects, they just thought you were going to continue to say something – they were waiting for more direction.” Yes, there was something lost in translation. Another word about Dr. Wali – he really looks out for Lem and me. There have been a few times when I’ve wanted him to translate something to someone for me and he’ll stop and say, “I don’t think you want to say that, I think you want to say this.” So, Lem and I have given Dr. Wali carte blanche to fix any dumbass things that we might say before he translates. He is very patient and has a great sense of humor, and is the consummate Afghan host – he protects us from looking stupid.

Friday, jumma, was our weekend and I slept in late, didn’t work out, read in bed, and went to the Thai restaurant for lunch. In the afternoon, Lem and I were sorting out our iTune libraries. While we were doing that, we were “playing dueling song picks.” He’d pick an obscure song and then challenge me to name the band and sing the song, then I would do the same for him. It was pretty hilarious and we did this for a couple of hours. In between, we’d listen to “whoop that trick” from the Hustle and Flow soundtrack – a movie (great movie!) we had just watched the night before. Lem had liked the movie so much, that he downloaded the soundtrack the morning after. We also got a t.v for our room. Chuck had an extra one that he loaned us. Each of the rooms has a cable and we can get 9 channels from the Armed Forces Network. However, the cable in our room was cut at the end and needed to little adaptor things connected before we could hook it into our t.v.. We asked around, but no one had the connectors, but suggested we get them from the “electronics haji” at our resident bazaar mall. We then asked Hugh – he has a whole drawer full of obscure stuff, but no luck there. This was Thursday night. On Friday, mid-morning, Hugh knocked on the door and he had the two adaptors we needed. He said they found them in his room. I’m pretty sure they were brand new and he had just gone to the “electronics haji” that morning and bought them for us. Let me tell you something about Hugh – he acts like a real tough Army officer that has seen some really tough stuff, but he is a softy when it comes to “his troops.” I don’t mean he’s a pushover, I mean he would do anything to take care of his troops and he is highly respected for that. I think him providing those cable parts is just a little indication that we’re part of his troops now and he’s taking care of us. Another example of this was later in the day on jumma, Hugh came by and delivered one M-9 and one M-16 bullet to each of us (Lem, Brian, and I). They were freshly shined and had our names on them with silver sharpie ink. He had been polishing his ammo (so it doesn’t gunk up his weapons) and wanted to make sure that we had some souvenirs to take home. Hugh takes soldiering seriously and most of that means taking care of his troops.

Here's a picture (L to R) of the Dean, me, the Turk Commander, the Superintendent, Lem, Hugh, and the Commandant. I mentioned that our “weekends” really aren’t all that special because we can’t go anywhere. Well, tonight, ISAF was sponsoring a big party for the Turkish delegation. The Turks that are here now are going to be heading home soon and they threw a huge going away party tonight. Lots of good food and drink and the best baklava I've ever had - truly authentic. There was no way we were going to pass up the chance to have some other-than-chow-hall food tonight. The Turks had the food catered from the “Istanbul” restaurant in Kabul. Just about everyone in the KAIA compound joined in the party at the Turkish borough. Probably like us, for the food, but also because the Czech nurses would be there. The Dean, Commandant, and Superintendent of NMAA were all there too. Here’s a picture of me and Lem and Hugh with them and the Turk Commander. After this picture was taken, Hugh shook their hands and said, “we really appreciate all of you and you will forever be our friends.” Very sentimental, but Lem and I couldn’t help but laugh, because whenever Hugh talks to the Afghans (or any foreigner for that matter) he put on a Texan-twang Russian-like foreign accent. I think he things that he’ll be better understood if he sounds more foreign – as if Texas drawl wasn’t enough?!

Well, it’s late and I’m getting tired, but I thought I’d leave you with one last thing. In the bathroom stalls in our barracks, there is a large assortment of magazines: U.S. News and World Report, American RV, American Chopper, and Maxim to name a few. While in there the other day, I noticed a new magazine had shown up – Transworld Surf. So, I picked it up and was thumbing through it and it had the most incredible pictures in it of these surfer dudes going through the tunnels of water. I also noticed that is was extremely vacant of any scantily bikini-clad surfer women (but, they apparently have a swimsuit issue according to the website)! I wondered what the photographers had to do to get some of these pictures. Then I wondered to myself, if the Afghan father and son duo that cleaned the bathrooms ever looked in the magazines (maybe Maxim?) and if they did, what they would think of the surfer photos? Magnificent water waves seem so foreign in a place like this, even to me who has seen such things. But, perhaps my eyes were seeing something in those pictures that maybe I couldn’t appreciate as much in a dentist or doctor’s office back home. Here's a sample photo gallery. Ah, such deep thoughts from the pot! Good night.

Here's a picture of Lem talking with his math faculty and the new cadets marching off to their noon meal.








Here's a couple of things to make you smile (at least they made me smile): Check out this Evolution of Dance video and here's something that brought back some memories and we had some fun with in the office: Mahnamahna.