"Baklava-atch"

Colonel Smith (no, really that’s his name on the left in the picture with Maj "JR") who is one of the NFNGs (see earlier post) came into our office Tuesday morning and declared that a “snow day” was just called in. You see, we got about 6 inches of snow on Monday night/Tuesday morning. It was a wonderful snow – came straight down and quite gentle. In fact, as I think about it, there hasn’t been any wind whatsoever since I’ve been here. That’s strange. Col Smith announced that Kabul Junior High, Mary’s Immaculate Conception Elementary, and NMAA were closing early because of the snow. Then he said, “The snow days will be made up during the Easter break in April.” I have to admit, this Army chap was on a roll that morning. Who said the Army doesn’t have a sense of humor? Yes, this Army Colonel was going to fit right in.

That night (Monday), or actually Tuesday morning, I was awakened by flood lights blaring in through our window. There are some flood lights along the roof line of the building adjacent to ours and for some reason, they came on just after midnight. They were so bright that they woke me up. For a minute, I thought the aliens had landed. I could swear that the lights were so bright that I could feel their heat through the wall. Anyway, it woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I sat up in my bed and meditated. That was a little difficult too, in that the beds around here are very loud and creaky and I didn’t want to wake Lem. For goodness sake, he is such a light sleeper, that I didn’t want to wake him because when he wakes up, he really wakes up (and disturbs me). My roommate has been known to go work out at 1:00 am because he can’t sleep. I was quiet enough not to stir him and sat up and meditated for about 40 minutes. I was kinda amazed that I could at all with the solar flares coming through my window, but I just put my back to the window and it was fine. My body was telling me that I needed to center myself and the meditation session was quite relaxing and I was able to get back to sleep afterward.

Another annoying thing that happened this week is that “they” (the powers that be) are going to make us move. Not just move, but move to the room directly below us. Apparently the “they” is a navy guy. There aren’t a lot of navy folks here, so they stand out like a sore thumb and apparently he’s taking his job as housing marshal a little too seriously. He has decided that the barracks we live in should be like that on a boat – officers in one location (downstairs) and enlisted on another (upstairs). The way it is now, a good majority of our NMAA team (officer and enlisted) resides on the same floor in two different buildings. This is a good way to promote the team concept, the wing-man concept, build cohesiveness, etc. Both the air force and army folks are up in arms about the logic of trying to go navy. We’re supposed to move downstairs by February 13. We complained to our team chief and so now the move is in limbo. Standby for more …

Capt Mike, another AF officer who has been here for 6 months, was due to leave this week. He’s tried all week since Monday to get out of here, but the snow caused all flights to be canceled in/out all week. Then yesterday he was due to get a flight from here directly to Manas (Kyrgyzstan) which is a big deal because then he wouldn’t have to have to go through Bagram. Going through Bagram means your still in Afghanistan and have to schedule a flight from there to Manas. So, going directly to Manas saves a lot of time and a lot of frustration. Five minutes before getting ready to board his flight, they announced that it had been rescheduled. Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, was heading to Kandahar for a surprise visit and she snagged Mike’s flight. All week, we’ve been “buying” dinner for Mike at the chow hall. So, last night, we said, we’re happy to buy you supper again Mike. He didn’t appreciate our humor. Here's Mike getting accolades from the Turkish Commander. He really wants to go home – of course – and we’re all jealous. I think I mentioned that Mike and Chuck are bosom buddies of sorts. So, even Chuck showed up last night to say one final goodbye (hopefully) to Mike. Mike had to head over to the PAX terminal at 6:00 pm last night to get on the standby list for the next flight out of here. He left his room early this morning for a flight apparently, and he hasn’t shown up, so hopefully he’s on his way home.

Oh, it was pizza night last night and they usually have vegetarian pizza option. Last night’s was vegetarian Hawaiian pizza. When we ate meat, Natalie and I really liked Hawaiian pizza. The Hawaiian pizza from the chow hall had the familiar chunks of pineapple, but instead of the Canadian bacon or ham, it had corn kernels. Both the pineapple and corn were left over from lunch. At least they try not to waste so much food. The pizza was actually really good and to go with it they had broccoli and french fries. The fries were amazingly good too – I haven’t had fries in a very long time.

On Wednesday, I met with my physics faculty again. They had asked me to come up with a moment of inertia lab they could use. I did and my plan was for us to go through the lab together and then work out any kinks that might come about while doing so. I grabbed Dr. Wali and headed over to the classroom. It was still snowing on Wednesday and the faculty hadn’t headed over to the physics lab room yet. Dr. Wali and I arrived at the building first – it was locked and we couldn’t get in. So, Dr. Wali left me there and went to find the building commandant. The way it works here is that the ANA (Afghanistan National Army) who controls NMAA has one person (and one person only) that has the keys for all the buildings. So, Dr. Wali went to fetch him. I stood there in the cold watching the snow fall and then I noticed a bus across the dormitory courtyard revving its engine quite a bit. Then it took off and started doing donuts in the courtyard. It went around three or four times and each time I could see the driver and his passengers laughing and smiling. They were all ANA – out having fun.

On the walk over to the building, I asked Dr. Wali if his four kids like the snow. He said yes, but their mother didn’t want them to go out because then they would get cold and complain and get sick and get wet and track all the mud/snow into their house and she would have to clean it. I said, basically she doesn’t want them to have fun and he laughed and said, “yes, no fun!” Dr. Wali’s household sounds a lot like most in America. It is so transparently clear that although we’re from different countries, we’re not so different in the way we live life, want the best for our children, and want to just live in peace.

Dr. Wali returned with the physics faculty and the “key master” and we got into the classroom. The first order of business I wanted to discuss was speaking English. I just learned this past week that all NMAA faculty were required to take an English class and this had been going on for some time. And, this past week they took an English proficiency test. So, I wanted to see if they wanted to practice some English. I practice the 8 or 10 Dari phrases (and counting) I know daily with the faculty and the interpreters. Dr. Wali translated my idea and they immediately all starting chatting up a storm – like little birds wanting some food. One said, “it cloudy snow weather.” Another said “it cold weather” and then another said “I like ice.” It was great and then they started to ask me questions like – “why different wheel and ring?” It was very fun for them and me and then after about 10 minutes there was silence – they had enough of the “English talk.”

So, I explained that I had done my homework and brought the lab I had promised and I asked them if they had been doing their projects for this coming Saturday. And they all said yes and then each told me what their projects were going to be – one on density, one on pressure, etc. They are excited about making up their projects. Then we got into the lab that I had prepared. I won’t go over all the details, but it was an extremely laborious and tiring affair. Don’t get me wrong – it was a very fruitful and fun two and half hours (yes, 2. 5 hours!), but I was exhausted at the end of it. We had to go over some very simple physics concepts that they weren’t completely up to speed on and they still aren’t quite used to someone asking them a question and standing there waiting for an answer. They are used to someone lecturing to them and they not taking part in the pouring of knowledge into their heads. So I would patiently wait until someone spoke up with a question or a comment. The first part of the lab was to predict which of 6 objects would arrive at the bottom of a small ramp first, second, third, etc. On the sheet of paper they had to rank them. They started to chat amongst themselves and looking at each others and I said, “no, no – by yourself.” Everyone’s answers were different – which then lent itself nicely to have them discuss among themselves why they chose the way they did. This took about 15 minutes and they kind of came to a consensus, but then, as is typical in Afghan culture I’ve discovered, looked to me to give them the answer and make the decision for them. I just said, “we’ll see, let’s do the next part of the lab” which was to actually race the objects down the ramp.

Before the race, we had to take some measurements (dimensions and mass) of all the objects. I had put these on the paper, but wanted them to go through the exercise of verifying the information provided by the manufacturer – this would be a good practice for their students. They jumped right into it. They had a meter stick and some small calipers and an electric scale (which was missing a cord and batteries). Two of the objects were spheres and to measure the diameter of them was difficult with the calipers because of the smooth surface of the spheres. The calipers kept slipping and there was some discussion on how to hold it steady – maybe one person hold the sphere the other hold the calipers. The sphere wouldn’t hold still and the calipers kept slipping on the surface of the sphere. This went on for a few minutes with each of the faculty taking turns at trying to get the measurement (How many Afghans does it take to measure a diameter ...). You’ll have to forgive me for going into such depth and detail about all this, but this is just fascinating to me and what my job back home is all about. Finally, I said, “that looks pretty difficult, is there any other way we could measure the diameter of that sphere?” They looked at me like I was crazy. They picked up the meter stick and shook it and said something I believe was “this is no good, you can’t get it lined up.” Dr. Wali verified. So, without words I grabbed one of the spheres and made a little mark on it with a felt pen, then placed that spot on a piece of paper, then rolled the sphere until the ink spot made another spot on the paper. I now had two dots separated by some distance that I could measure. I took the meter stick and placed it on the paper then stopped. They knew exactly where this was going and one of them, through Dr. Wali, said “of course, just measure the distance and use the circumference equation.” They know their equations! “Yes, yes!” I said and I told them that there is usually always more than one way to do something. Think outside the box and try to help their students do the same.

We continued with the lab and raced each object down the ramp and recorded which beat which. Then it came to the two fastest objects and I asked them to tell me which would be first and why. After some debate, they agreed that they should both arrive at the bottom of the ramp at the same time. I asked them to look at the equations for moment of inertia and torque and explain why. They tried and then we raced the objects for several trials and each trial we had a different outcome – how wonderful! Again, I’m sorry for the depth and detail. You see, it was not as crystal clear as they expected. A couple held firm that they should arrive at the same time. I said, “well I saw this one win twice, the other win twice, and they tied the other two times. Which is it? I then suggested that we change the person in charge of letting the objects go from the top of the ramp. I said, “maybe he cheats, maybe he wants one of the objects to win more than the other.” They laughed (on cue) after Dr. Wali’s translation. We changed ramp chiefs twice and the outcome was the same – no clear winner. So, I asked them, what’s going on here? Silence. So, then I said, “maybe …” then pointed to one of the ramp chiefs and then stuck my finger in my ear and then spun it in there and then touched the objects with a grimace on my face, and then I pretended to spit on my hand and rub it on the objects, and then I motioned that maybe he held one longer than the other. Again, laughter on cue – sustained laughter at that. They knew what I was trying to convey, there was some error introduced – another important lesson to learn with experiments. Afterward, they again wanted me to tell them the answer and I said, “you’ll have to do your homework and tell me” and they laughed and almost in unison said, “yes, yes, we must learn.”

These faculty members really are my students while I’m here and it is so amazingly rewarding to see them smile and enthusiastic about learning many new things and new ways of looking at the world around them. They are some of the best that their country has to offer, but they know their limitations and are so completely unafraid to better themselves. I think that sometimes we all become afraid to do or try things that we know are difficult and it prevents us from learning, understanding, and developing as humans. It is so nice to see that they seem innocent in this regard – at least to some degree.

At the end of our session, I had a puzzle I wanted to present to them which came from a story from SSgt White in our office. He was making fun of us “egg-heads” earlier in the week and had mentioned that he had read about some experiment where they put a bunch of kids in one room and a bunch of “egg-head” scientists in another identical room. Each room had a 4-ft pipe in the room that was stuck into the floor. Each group was told to put a tennis ball into the pipe and try to get it out. They could use anything that was in the room. SSgt White proclaimed that it took the kids just five minutes and the scientists couldn’t figure it out. While the scientists were busy examining equations, the kids poured water into the pipe until the ball came to the top and they could reach it. I thought this was a good thing to try and convey to the physics faculty. So, I did and they sat puzzled for a second, then conversed with one another for a minute or two and then asked, “is there any water in the room.” I smiled and then they motioned what they would do. I then told them that they are very smart and then told them what SSgt White had said about the scientists – “the scientists never figured it out.” Then Col Zalmai (my faculty member with the Hollywood looks and gray hair). Stood up and announced, “well these scientists got it in 2 minutes!” I just joined in with all of them carrying on in laughter and pride. They really are like kids – in more ways than one.

We also sometimes have a chance to have philosophical discussions with some of our Afghan hosts. Brian relayed a conversation he had this week with his management faculty that I feel is quite worthy to share. In the course of a discussion on management techniques with his faculty, Brian mentioned that to get ahead, a successful person or organization has to have drive and determination, goals, a plan and a schedule. Rather familiar concepts with most westerners and indeed probably with the rest of the world, but these concepts are somewhat absent in the Afghan psyche. A favorite saying you will here in this part of the world is “enshala,” which means “by Allah’s will.” “Is it to snow – enshala.” “Will this or that be done tomorrow – enshala.” “Do you want to go to the store – enshala.” “Do think the Afghan government will last – enshala.” Brian brought up this enshala thing with his group. They all know and are fond of basketball, so Brian used a basketball analogy. Say it’s the end of the big game, no time on the clock and one of your players is at the free-throw line for two shots from a foul. Now, do you want him to say “enshala” and just throw his shots up toward the hoop, or would you rather him be well-prepared from hard work and lots of practice, take his time, aim, and sink them most of the time? Isn’t it Allah’s will that he should have practiced and been prepared for that moment? They all agreed that it would be much better if he had practiced and been prepared. He then asked if there was an Afghan saying similar to “God helps those that help themselves.” And they said yes – one in the same. Then they conveyed a proverb I had read in Three Cups of Tea (Greg Mortenson) – “Trust Allah, but guard your camel.” The point of Brian’s discussion was that we could all be faithful to our beliefs and faiths, but we could also take steps to make things better, more productive, and it was God’s will (or Allah’s) for us to do this. God isn’t going to do everything for us.

I guess this all relates to the mind-over-matter argument. Can we really change destiny? Lem conveyed an interesting story in this regard that he recalled from his childhood. In some village, it was customary for boys of one family to present gifts to fathers of another family in order to wed their daughters. In one particular village, it was customary to present sacred stones as the gift. Four stones was a good price for beautiful girls, one stone for not so beautiful. So, one day, this boy who had hunted for sacred stones for a long time took 4 to a father of a not-so beautiful girl. She was considered a shameful eye-sore by the village. The boy said he had come to ask permission to marry the girl. The father asked, “what have you brought me” and the boy handed over his 4 stones. The father smiled and said o.k. in a shocked manner. The entire village couldn’t believe the transaction and for many years the young couple was shunned – her, because of her ugliness and he because of his stupidity. So, they kept to themselves on the outskirts of town and then several years later decided to go back to the village. When they entered the village, the town folk couldn’t believe their eyes – the girl had been transformed into a beautiful and regal woman. The villagers asked the man how he could have known that she would end up like this someday. He said, he hadn’t known that at all. He had just wanted a 4-stone woman and that’s how he treated her. Do we affect our destinies and those of otherr?

I also wanted to convey a neat story from Lem about help he received on a recent math problem. He meets with his math faculty like I meet with the physics faculty and it’s just as exhausting for him. The other day he came back to the office wiped and said he had a really good session with his faculty. At the end, one of the math faculty presented Lem with a paper with three huge integral calculus problems on them. This Afghan faculty member had been working on these problems and couldn’t figure out how to do them and he wanted Lem to help him. Well, Lem was tired and had a million other things he had to prepare. His math department at USAFA had mentioned that they would help out in any way they could, so Lem took pictures of the problems and emailed them to his department back home. Just yesterday he got the solutions back – just about 48 hours after and this is how the solutions arrived back here. The problems were given to a couple of math instructors who gave them to a student who sent them to their high school math teacher who solved them and emailed them back to the student, back to the USAFA instructor and then back to Lem. Yes, I guess you could consider this all “passing the buck,” but isn’t it wonderful to think that all these people could be involved with something that we’re trying to do here? The power of the electrons flowing through space really has brought us so much closer. Just think how far that little email traveled.

I know when I got to use my video phone for the first time this week and got to see Natalie and the kids for the first time since I left, that those electrons enabling me to do that brought a tears to my eyes. Wow, it was so good to see them! Here's a picture of me talking to Eileah and Brenner.

OK, this post is crazy long, but like I’ve said before – when it rains it pours. So, I wanted to end with a few quick (relatively speaking) things. First, we almost got clipped by helicopter the other day. On our way back to the barracks from NMAA, we have to cross the flight line. The procedure is to radio the tower, let them know where we are (they can see us from the tower) and then approve us to proceed across part of the flight line. No big deal - very routine, we did this, they approved us and about halfway down the runway, we noticed that a Mi-17 helicopter is about to plop right down on top of us. So, Capt Mike floors it and we cruise underneath as fast as we can and get away. The helicopter landed safely and when we radioed the tower to say we had cleared the runway, the tower acknowledged and said, “uh, sorry about that.” Anyway, a little too close for comfort.

Second, some of you have expressed interest in seeing what these Czech nurses look like. Well, I don’t have any pictures of them because they are so rare to see. Usually only during feedings or by the water hole and even then they are quite elusive. I have to tell you though, that all the hubbub about the Czech nurses isn’t all what it’s made out to be. There are only probably 40 female Czech nurses and hundreds of goofy men at this compound. There are indeed some very cute nurses, but their beauty is embellished quite a bit because they’re the only game in town. Even Lem has succumbed a bit to the hypnotic allure of the Czech nurses. I overheard him talking to his wife the other day and he said, “I’m going to buy you a Czech nurse uniform and then we can play ISAF when I get home.” ISAF, if you recall is the International Security Assistance Force. I started busting up and so did Lem, and his wife, didn’t know what to think of it!

Finally, the army guys use a lot of profanity and I’m afraid we have all succumbed to the barrage we receive on a daily basis in the form of using some of it ourselves. I attribute it to the “fight or flight” idea of survival. We have to adapt to our surroundings (the army) in order to survive the torment of those surroundings. The army guys in our office seem to ginormously like the f-word and the b-word (“b-tch”) and usually together and multiple times in the sentence fragments they tend to use. Anyway, they use the b-word usually in a derogatory way, but it appears that they also use it sometimes in an endearing sort of way – like a Michael Vick sort of way perhaps. And they usually pronounce it as “bee-atch.” Sometimes, they’ll say something like, “that f-ing bee-atch really showed them a thing or two.” Or, “you officer bee-atches, know it all.” Or, “that’s not my job [or decision], I’ll leave that up to my outstanding commanding officer bee-atch.” Obviously, the army NCOs are quite taken and moved by us exemplar officers. So, Lem and I decided to come up with our own little endearing name for our loyal troops – “boy-atches.” It was explained to us by Hugh (several times) that the proper way to say thank-you to an army troop was to NOT say thanks, but to say something like, “about f-ing time.” Or, “what took you so f-ing long.” So, we’ve taken Hugh’s advice (re: “fight or flight”) along with our term of endearment to truly fit in and further win the admiration of our adoring army troops. Instead of “thanks for getting my mail today” we say, “about time, boy-atch” and so on. As you can guess, our army brethren are even more faithful and respectful to us. The army guys are so ingenious that they’ve taken our term of endearment a step further – they now use “boy-atch” and “bu-atch” to refer to the partners of a lesbian couple. I even heard one of them saying just the other day as they were getting ready to go visit one of their Turkish counterparts, “I need to go see my Turkish boy-atch to get some of that good baklava-atch.” Who says the army isn’t very innovative?

Thanks for reading and keep your comments coming. It’s nice to know that you all are out there. Here are some pics: Me at the bazaar picking up some gifts, Lem in front of our building; the ever-present Ahmad Shah Massoud on our walls and on Supt's desk; my ever-growing wall of photos, artwork, and pics from home; Lem with one of the pups; my delicious Thai lunch from yesterday; and the littliest pup standing guard at the gate of NMAA.