Hearts and Minds

I know I’ve said it before, but thank goodness it’s jumma! We really relish our day and half weekend (Thursday night and Friday, or panj shanba to jumma). We don’t do much accept sleep in, read, watch movies, eat Thai lunch, get haircuts – it’s just down time. Lem and I went to get haircuts today. We set up “appointments” for 10:00 am, showed up a little earlier and it was obvious it was going to be a bit of a wait. At the end of one haircut, there were three of us waiting (two of which had an appointment). There was a bit of confusion of who would be next, so I asked in Russian, “who’s next, who’s next?” The ladies were a bit taken aback. They decided to let the non-appt person go first because he had been waiting there the longest. That was fine. Lem decided to wait, but I made an appointment for later in the afternoon and left. I went back to my room and got to have a video phone call to Natalie. She was up at Keystone with all the kids for a long weekend and just had to gloat at her spacious living area and quiet surroundings. It looked like a nice place and I really wish I could have been with them. Looks like I won’t be getting any snowboard time this season.

I went back to get my haircut later and had a nice Russian conversation with the lady cutting my hair. She is a Tajik. I started the conversation, by asking why she was the only one cutting hair today even though there are three chairs and two other ladies sitting around? She said that it was her turn today and that they would probably cut hair tomorrow. And she said, that on jumma, they have lots of massages to give, so the other two were on the ready to give drop-in massages. She asked me why I studied Russian and when and where. I told her I studied, just because I wanted to and that I had studied in Moscow and St. Petersburg for a time, but that was very long ago. Now, that I think about it – that was nearly 20 years ago – it’s a wonder I remember any Russian at all. She complimented me on my pronunciation. Her name was Idiya (?) and she said that she is learning a little English. I asked her if she practiced speaking English with customers, but she said it was too difficult and she gets embarrassed. I asked her if she was familiar with the Russian proverb, “teesha yedesh, dalsha boodesh?” She asked me to repeat and I did then she repeated it a couple of times and said that it was a good proverb to remember. It means, “slow, but sure” and she understood the context I was trying to put it in – in relation to her learning English. I suppose you could apply that to just about anything that is difficult – it just takes practice and time. Yes, practice and time, something that Idiya needs when it comes to cutting hair too – she cut my too short and parted it on the wrong side. Oh well, it’s just hair and it will grow back. It was nice to talk to practice my limited Russian skills a bit.

The new NMAA cadets are now in the throws of their basic training. Unfortunately, it happens to be taking place during the most severe winter that Afghanistan has experienced in local memory. It snowed all day yesterday here, but not much accumulation. They had about a foot of snow out in the field this week and they are living pretty Spartan-like out in the field, and it’s difficult to move the cadets around when it’s cold, wet, and muddy. As a result, they’ve had some cadets “escape” from basic training. Yes, the Afghans use the word “escape.” At the military academies in the states, basic training is during the summer when it’s warmer – it’s still pretty difficult to go through and there is always a percentage of incoming basics that “self-eliminate” during basic training. That is, they decided that the military is not for them and they go home. It’s a very cordial, the basic tells a cadet supervisor and then the outprocessing paper work is started and usually within a few days, the basic is sent back home. Here, culture dictates that if you don’t like something – then, you escape. These basics don’t even try to speak to their superiors – they just take off and it’s not like they just cross the street to get home. They come from very far away and somehow have to figure out how to get back home. I just thought it was interesting – the phrasing and physical act of cadets “escaping” their basic training experience.

Army-isms 101 (cont'd):
Last Saturday night, a few of us decided to go eat at “Air Force One.” It’s a café I think I’ve mentioned before. It has an extensive menu, coffee bar, blaring videos and music, an online gaming and internet café. Air Force One is best known for its steaks and that’s what a couple of our Army buds decided to get. I have to admit, they were good looking steaks and smelled good too. I had to settle for some fried fish crap – probably the worst meal I’ve had here. Anyway, while we were waiting and chatting, Col Smith (US Army) was telling us about his trip to Eggers that day with the newest NFNGs that just came from the US Air Force Academy. They had to go to Camp Eggers to get inprocessed and because they would be staying here for 6 months, would be considered “permanent party” at NMAA and as such, needed to get armored vehicle licenses and go through the OPSEC training to get NMAA email accounts. Well, apparently it took these two guys about 5 tries each to pass the multiple-choice OPSEC training, so Col Smith was just remarking how stupid AF officers are. He continued by saying, “Air Force officers sleep ‘til they’re hungry, and then eat ‘til they’re sleepy.” Ha, ha, ha – very funny. Then, Lem responded by saying “Your just jealous that we Air Force officers are such bad-asses. We say, keep your weapon close, but you’re memory stick even closer.” Basically, showing what geeks some Air Force officers really are. Col Smith liked that one.

Col Smith also was commenting on what a great meal he had at Camp Eggers that day. He had even saved a pear from lunch and showed it to us. Then he said, “well at least no one can’t say that I don’t have a pair!” The Army potty humor comes in all forms I guess.

The Afghanistan National Army (ANA) runs basic training and there are several American mentors to help out. Part of basic training is learning to shoot guns. The 1000 or so basics get to learn to shoot a 9 mm gun. There seems to be a bit of disconnect about ammo and what quantities are sufficient for training purposes. The other day, apparently the basics went out to the shooting range to practice their 9 mm skills. Groups of several basics lined up at the line and each was given just one bullet to fire at the silhouette target. After 15 minutes, everyone was done. When the American mentor heard about this, he asked the ANA officers – “what the f-ck are you boy-atches doing? (Can you tell that the American mentors are Army?) How are the basics going to learn how to shoot if they just get one bullet each. There’s a bunch of 9 mm ammo – so let’s use it!” But the day was late and there was no time for anymore shooting. The next day was the day to learn to shoot some artillery (very big bullets). The ANA authorized the use of 600 artillery pieces. It was a very loud afternoon after all that and by the time the American mentor got there all the artillery was spent. Artillery is more expensive and ANA has a limited quantity to use for training. So, the American mentor asked, “what the f-ck are you boy-atches doing? Why in the world would you use so much artillery? We don’t use that much in a whole year of training back in America!” The ANA soldiers said, “You yelled at us yesterday for not enough ammo, now it’s too much – it’s your fault.” Well, you can imagine the language that went on from there, but basically it came down to a “learning exercise” about the differences of 9 mm ammo and large artillery.

News Flash – As you recall, Capt Mike got to head home last week despite Secretary of State Rice throwing in some interference. We got word earlier in the week that Capt Mike was still in Manas (Kyrgysztan) waiting for his rotator to leave. Capt Mike got into a bit of trouble during his short stay at Manas. One afternoon on his way to the gym, he was stopped by an enlisted troop who yelled to him, “Hey, get your shirt tucked in.” We’re supposed to keep our physical training (PT) shirts tucked into our skimpy speedo-like running shorts when we work out. It’s terribly unfashionable and not very comfortable. The enlisted troop took it upon himself to correct the infraction being made by another troop and called Capt Mike on it. Well, Capt Mike decided that the enlisted troop needed some counseling on how to address a superior officer – especially when correcting him. After the “counseling” session, things seemed to simmer down and they parted ways. After Mike had his workout and cleaned up he decided to go and partake of the 2-drink limit (per 24 hours) at the Manas bar. After that, he went to bed and the next morning repeated his schedule because he was still waiting for his rotator back to the states. So, after his workout and shower the next day, he headed to the bar. Apparently, he arrived and ordered his drinks prior to the end of the 24-hour period (23 hours and 50 minutes). Someone got word of this and reported Capt Mike and he then had to go to speak to the base chaplain about the hazards of excessive drinking. Rumor has it, that the enlisted chap that Capt Mike counseled the day before was the snitch and was laughing up a storm about Capt Mike’s counseling session.

As you may recall, Dr. Wali had to go to Pakistan for some medical care this week. In his absence, I had another interpreter helping me – his name is Hamayoun. On Monday I went to talk to the Science Department “Boss” – Col Raghi. He’s a jovial man and likes to talk. He wanted to discuss with me a problem with physics instructors for next semester (starting in March). There are going to be 21 sections of physics courses and there were only 5 physics instructors. Quite a load to handle for the instructors – ideally, each instructor should only have about 3 sections. Basically, at the meeting, he told me he wanted me to tell the Dean (Col Rashid) and the Supt (Gen Shariff) that we needed 2 more physics instructors for the coming semester. Col Raghi had already tried to request a couple more instructors a couple of months ago, but the Supt had shot him down. He felt, that if I asked, then it would be granted. The problem is, the Afghans have a really hard time separating positions from people. There are a limited number of positions at NMAA and they are divvied to the departments according to need. Needs are reviewed twice a year and modified as necessary by the Supt. Unfortunately, some of the positions are filled by friends of family and they may or not be legitimately filled for the purpose they were intended. And, there is some reluctance to remove some people from those positions. So, at this time, there are no positions available to a hire new physics faculty and there won’t be any until the next review in June.

We discussed this for some time and I told him that he and his staff (and the Dean) are the ones that need to go up together, as a team, and tell the Supt what a bad situation it will be next semester with so few instructors and so many students. I said that I’d be more than happy to accompany them and add my two cents, but they had to be the ones to run the show. He was reluctant at first, but then decided that it would be all right. I told him that if they went together, then maybe the Supt would see how important this was to everyone. So, Col Raghi set up the appt for the next day. We met in the Supt’s office and chatted a bit over chai, grapes, cashews, and chickpeas. Then, it was time to ask about the instructors. Col Raghi and Col Rashid took turns presenting their case for more faculty, but it wasn’t getting anywhere. I added my four cents saying that the morale of the faculty was at stake, that I was teaching the faculty new teaching skills that would take more time to develop – which they wouldn’t have if they taught so many sections, and that these things were directly linked to the success of the department and NMAA accreditation as a whole (they’re hope is to be an accredited undergraduate engineering university at some point). The Supt understood that, but said that no positions were available until the review in June. After the meeting I talked to Col Rashid and asked him how he thought the meeting went. He said, “we still don’t have positions to higher more instructors.” I assured him though, that Gen Shariff had now heard about this twice and that the more heard about the crisis the better. Baby steps …

The next day I went to talk to Col Raghi about another matter and during the conversation, I learned that the science department technician (Sagi) had gotten his degree in physics from the Kabul Polytechnic University and that he was a General in the old Afghan Air Force. Wow, this was great, and I was excited to hear this. I suggested that even though we didn’t have any positions to hire new faculty, that maybe in the short term Sagi could teach 1 or 2 sections of physics. Sagi always attended my meetings with the physics faculty and participated and he said he fills in for them if they are sick during the year. Well, anyway, my suggestion opened up a can of worms. First, Sagi said that he would not teach and be the technician and Col Raghi said that only he made the decisions of who taught and who didn’t. This all came through Hamayoun, the interpreter, but I could tell it was getting pretty heated. After about 20 minutes of arguing, I finally stopped them to listen to me. What they were displaying was pure power politics. Each had a little of something and neither wanted to budge. There were 3 other science department faculty present and they seemed a little miffed by all the hubbub too. So, I tried to explain to them that they were all on the same team and this was a great opportunity to help the team. (Side note – whenever any of the interpreters translate team, it seems they do it with almost a laugh. I asked Hamayoun why that was, and he said, because it was a very foreign concept for Afghans). First, I asked Col Raghi if he had the authority to decide what the personnel in his department did, or did the Dean make those decisions. Col Raghi said he did. Then I asked Sagi if he’d like to teach a section of physics. He said he would. Then I said, we have a good opportunity here. There is a shortage of physics instructors, we can’t hire any new faculty because there are no positions; but within your department you have someone that has taught physics, knows physics, and is willing to teach. So, Col Raghi could decide that a technician could teach one section of physics to help the team, and Sagi could decide to teach one section of physics while still doing his technician job and, at least in the short term – next semester, there would be a little relief for the current physics instructors. Yes, it would require Col Raghi to trust in Sagi to be able to do both and yes, it may require Sagi to work a lot more, but sometimes a little sacrifice for the team can go a long way. Again, the big smile from Hamayoun during that translation. But, in the end, everyone agreed that it may work and Col Raghi said that “it’s now a departmental decision and we would discuss it.” We’ll see …

I thought I’d take the opportunity to introduce Cujo to you. He’s our janitor at NMAA. He is very friendly (the Army guys joke that he is so friendly because he is Taliban and just waiting for the signal to go jihad on us all) and likes to practice English with us and teach us Dari. He is extremely animated and uses all kinds of hand gestures and pantomiming to teach us. One of his favorite sayings is, “thiz izgood, thiz iznotgood” as he point to things or people. When he refers to the Army guys that are leaving he’ll say “he go – swish, swish” with a motion to the side. He’s a lot of fun and we tend to spend several 15-20 minute periods throughout the day talking, miming, and teaching one another. The other day, I tried teaching him how to spin a basketball on his finger – he’s getting better and practicing.

Mahnamahna (redux) – you might recall that old sesame street song – I had posted a link to the video a couple of posts ago. Well, we now have some meaning to the meaning of “mahnamahma.” This week, to my surprise and that of all of NMAA, a French Second Lieutenant showed up. His name is Marten Guyout. He apparently just finished up at the French Military Academy and was at the top of his class and was sent to NMAA as a reward. His background is materials engineering so our Team Chief, Lt Col Hamilton, put him with me. He is 21 years old, speaks a little English, is extremely bright and even has a passion for pedagogy. He is catching on quickly to the American sarcasm of the office. We’ve had to explain several phrases like “excuse my French” or how “dude!” can mean different things depending on the inflection in the voice and the context in which it is used. “Dude!” could mean, “good job”, or “gross”, or “that’s a big mistake,” or “she’s really hot.” On his first day in, Lem thanked him for the Statue of Liberty and Fourier transforms (yes, that’s a math geek thing). And then Marten thanked us for helping them out in 3 wars. He is oh so young and innocent and the fact that he doesn’t understand everything we say, enhances that all the more. He’s very excited about being able to experience a different culture and work on his English skills. He’s not unlike most of our USAFA cadets in that he is a great self-starter and really wants to do a great job. We’re having lots of fun with him, but I think he may be ruined when he eventually goes back to France. So, we were sitting around talking the other day and Brian started humming the Mahnamhna song (he REALLY likes it!). Well, Marten recognized it and that it was the muppets and he offered the meaning of mahnamhna. He said in French, “Mais non, mais non” (pronounced minno, minno or something close to that) means as “No! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” So, if someone says something you don’t agree with, you say “mahnamhna.” We had great fun with this after. I know you all will sleep much easier now …

Lem is totally jealous that my French physics mentee buddy is so smart and energetic. He’s even jealous of Brian’s new Army management mentor buddy, Lt Col Henshaw. Lem’s Turkish math mentor buddy is way off in left field when it comes to what needs to be done here and to discuss anything with him, Lem has to use a translator to translate English into Dari, then another interpreter to translate from Dari into Turkish. He’s racking his brains with how to deal with the Turk and how much energy it takes for the translation Olympics he has to participate in to get anything done. Lem says that I have the Justin Timberlake of mentees in Marten, Brian has the Dan Tanna (Robert Urich of the old TV show Vegas) in Lt Col Henshaw, and Lem has Michael Moore in his Turk mentor buddy. You be the judge.













Hugh came to visit from the field and had lots of good stories to tell. He’s been out in the field with the ANA and said it’s been a great opportunity to learn Pashtu (because many of the ANA are Pashtu) and learn about some interesting tidbits about Afghan culture. Hugh first explained how he got in big trouble because “somebody” played a trick on the Mullah out in the field. The Mullah is responsible for many things, one of which is to announce the call to prayer first thing in the morning before the sun rises. He does this by playing some music – usually an Islamic chant of some sort. Well, apparently someone switched the Mullah’s music from the Islamic chant to an Aerosmith song. So, the call to prayer one morning was started off with “Sweet Emotion.” That little prank didn’t go over to well, and Hugh took the brunt of the reaction. Apparently, he wasn’t in too much disfavor because a few hours later when Hugh got a small scratch on his hand and it was wrapped up (like a mummy is how Hugh puts it), the Mullah blessed his hand. Hugh says it was no big deal, but it was feeling fine “now that his hand (from the wrist down) had converted to Islam. However, his other hand didn’t know what to do with itself.”

Hugh also conveyed that he conducted “Uncle Clay’s story time” each night. This was a 30-minute session where he would read to his ANA comrades a selection from fine American literature like Maxim or People magazine. After this, there was a 30-minute session when the Afghans would teach Hugh the finer cultural things of Afghanistan like the secret hand signals of burka-clad and burka-less prostitutes and how the American “T&A” reference to gauge a woman is also used in Afghanistan – “toes and ankles.” I’m not sure that representatives of the US Army are the best ambassadors and pseudo-representatives of the U.S. State Department, but you can truly say that at least some of the reps are winning the hearts and minds of at least some of the Afghans.

Oh, BTW, turns out that our Navy barracks coordinator has been convinced that moving Lem and me to an identical room right below us is not the best use of our time. Not sure if there are any readers out there brave enough to wade through all this, but if there are - thanks for reading.

Here are some pics of the week: Brian, Lem, and me - the warrior scholars trio! Natalie on the video phone, a NMAA/ANA poster proclaiming what ANA is (1st pic) and isn't (2nd pic); and our building at NMAA.